Albuquerque Death Cafes are being held online for the duration of the coronavirus pandemic.
The next online ABQ Death Cafe will take place on Zoom on Sunday, October 11 from 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. Mountain Daylight Time. To get the link to participate, send a note to Gail [at] AGoodGoodbye.com and let her know you’d like to join in the conversation.
There will also be a series of Death Cafes held during the Before I Die New Mexico Virtual Festival, held online October 30 to November 2, 2020. Those events will be held on Friday, October 30 11:30 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. MDT, Saturday, October 31 1:00 p.m. to 2:30 p.m. MDT, Sunday, November 1 10:00 a.m. to 11:30 a.m. MST, and Monday, November 2, 3:00 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. MST. Register for all four Festival Death Cafes for $20.
Register for the Before I Die New Mexico Virtual Festival today!
About Death Cafes
The objective of the Death Cafe is “To increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” It’s all about an interesting, unstructured conversation – open and free-flowing with no specific agenda.
Jon Underwood, founder of the Death Cafe movement
The Death Cafe concept was started in the United Kingdom by Jon Underwood. He was influenced by the ideas of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, who started holding Cafe Mortel events in France and Switzerland. At these events, people come together in a relaxed, confidential and safe setting to discuss death, drink tea (or your favorite beverage) and eat delicious cake or cookies.
Sadly, Jon Underwood died suddenly three years ago at the age of 44 from a brain hemorrhage. It was caused by undiagnosed acute promyelocytic leukemia, a cancer of the white blood cells.
Jon’s mother Sue Barsky Reid and Jon’s sister Jools Barsky have continued his Death Cafe work, as Jon requested. To date, the Death Cafe movement has grown to more than 11,305 events in 73 countries worldwide (as of August, 2020). For information on how to hold a Death Cafe in your community, review the information at www.DeathCafe.com.
Albuquerque was the site of the second Death Cafe held in the United States. Gail Rubin hosted this pioneering event in September of 2012. Lizzy Miles held the first Death Cafe outside the U.K. in Columbus, Ohio in August of 2012.
Join The Meetup Group
To keep in the loop on upcoming Death Cafes, join the Albuquerque Death Cafe Meetup group. You’ll receive notice of upcoming events. Click here to go to the Meetup page.
She created a conversation-starting game called The Newly-Dead Game®, introduced the Death Café movement in the United States, and held the first Before I Die Festival west of the Mississippi in 2017. Albuquerque Business First named her one of their 2019 Women of Influence.
Some people say they would like to become a tree when they die. The Woodmen of the World used to give you a memorial marker that looked like a tree.
Some of the most outstanding markers in Albuquerque’s Historic Fairview Cemetery are those of the Woodmen of the World fraternal insurance company.
The markers look like tree trunks, or stacked logs. Many of the stones are carved to feature bark, plant leaves, ferns, and flowers, as well as saws and hatchets. The Latin phrase “Dum Tacet Clamat” is frequently seen on Woodmen of the World memorial markers. This translates to English as, “Though silent, he speaks.”
There are about 70 Woodmen of the World burials in Historic Fairview Cemetery, starting in 1895 and ending in 1944. There are Woodmen burials in several places in the cemetery.
This organization was founded in 1890 on June 6, 1890, when Joseph Cullen Root founded Woodmen Life in a small hotel room in downtown Omaha, Nebraska. Root had the simple idea of making life insurance available to everyone. Woodmen Life is a not-for-profit fraternal benefit society, based in Omaha, Nebraska, that operates a large privately held insurance company for its members.
These monumental headstones were a benefit of the insurance policy members purchased. The height of the marker was determined by the level of officership held in the organization. This memorial marker benefit was phased out by World War II.
Historic Fairview Cemetery is run by a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization to share the history of Albuquerque represented by the people buried there. Learn more at www.HistoricFairviewCemeteryABQ.org.
A loss by suicide is like no other and survivors are especially vulnerable in grief because they often feel they are to blame for not having seen the often-subtle signs. Friends and family members feel helpless and don’t know how to respond or what to do.
Anne Moss Rogers, Emotionally Naked® speaker and author
Recently, I spoke with Anne Moss Rogers about suicide. Rogers is a TEDx speaker, storyteller, writer, and certified suicide prevention trainer who helps people foster connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss. Among the topics we discussed:
What is suicide and why do people kill themselves?
What to say or do that will support a friend/family member.
What is the “wrong” thing to say to a friend/family member who has lost someone to suicide.
How to sit with someone in their pain.
How to spot a suicide loss survivor who may be at risk of suicide themselves.
Anne Moss Rogers lost her 20-year-old son, Charles Aubrey Rogers, to suicide on June 5, 2015. He struggled with anxiety, depression, and ultimately a heroin addiction. Her blog, Emotionally Naked, reached over a half million in its first three years on subjects that have often been shoved to the back of the closet—suicide and that which triggers this cause of death, addiction and mental illness and grief. Her book, Diary of a Broken Mind, is an International Book Award Finalist and a nominee for the 2020 Library of Virginia Literary Award.
Watch the video, recorded as part of the Reimagine: Life, Loss, & Love virtual festival. Some excerpts are highlighted below.
Why is the term “committed suicide” out of favor?
Anne Moss Rogers: You can use the phrases “killed himself,” “died by suicide,” “he suicided.” The reason we want to remove “commit” is it comes from the 1400s in England, when suicide was actually a crime. You’re probably thinking, well, they punish somebody for committing a crime. What they did is they punished the family. They would actually tie the body to a horse and drag it through town as an example. They would shame the family for the suicide.
And then, all their worldly goods were donated to the crown. The family wasn’t allowed to have that inheritance. And they were also denied the right to a funeral and a burial in the cemetery. In many states, suicide is still on the books as a crime, even though you can’t charge anybody for a suicide. We are trying to get it off the books because it is very stigmatizing.
It’s going to take a while since it’s been in our language for such a long time. Suicide is a public health issue, not unlike diabetes or heart disease.
What are some of the wrong things people say in response to a suicide?
Anne Moss Rogers: “He’s in a better place,” because there’s nowhere better for my son than right next to me on Thanksgiving Day and not in heaven. I will admit that I was angry, and at times, I wanted to lash out and say, “I tell you what, I will send all your loved ones to a better place and see how you like it.”
If somebody says something to you, give them credit for having the courage to say anything at all. There’s a lot of stigma around suicide and it takes the other person a whole lot of courage to say anything. What offended me the most is when they said nothing at all, or they looked physically ill when they ran into me, or they would purposely avoid me.
I’m a very social person and it made me feel like such a pariah to get up the nerve to go in the grocery store or the drugstore again and be avoided. I wanted to be hugged, I wanted to talk about my child. And then I would run into people. I would talk about my child. And people would cut me off mid-sentence, and start talking about something else. It made me feel like they were erasing my child from our family tree and I didn’t like that.
What are some helpful things people can do or say?
Anne Moss Rogers: If you hear people saying, “I’m a burden.” “I can’t do this anymore.” “Things would be better if I just weren’t here anymore.” You stop for a minute and you will feel something in your gut.
Grieving people are at higher risk for suicide. And parents who’ve lost a child to any cause of death, usually 33% of them are considering suicide. The first thing to say to the person who is struggling is, “You know, that sounds serious. Tell me more.” And ask questions.
And what do you say to bereaved parents? “I have no idea what to say. I’m just HEARTBROKEN FOR YOU.” That was really nice, even some of the cliche phrases of, “You have my condolences.” Because like I said, it takes a lot of courage for people to say anything.
The best things are intentional like, “I don’t know what to say. But your grass is tall, I have a lawn mower, and I could be over at 10 a.m. on Saturday to cut your grass. Is that a good time for you?”
We wonder why the world has the audacity to keep spinning on its axis with our without our loved one in it. But the world keeps going forward and people need to pick up prescriptions.
That intentional work is very helpful because I remember when I could barely take a shower. I would get out of bed and I couldn’t remember the order. I almost got in the shower with my glasses and pajamas on, remembering the steps was just really difficult.
You have a kind of grief brain, of grief fog. It was so, so devastating, because I was also struggling with all those “coulda, woulda, shoulda’s,” which is part of the process with any death, but more pronounced with suicide death.
Gary Newman is 88 years old. He’s had a long career in financial and estate planning and insurance, with credentials like Certified Life Underwriter®. He’s taught Osher Institute classes on end-of-life planning. He’s written newspaper columns on planning ahead. So why, in 2020, did he decide to undo his funeral plans, put in place years ago?
Here’s Gary’s story, in his own words:
Now, at 88, un-prearrange and un-prepay my funeral? — Huh???!!! Why???!!!
Despite Certified Thanatologist Gail Rubin’s quip, “Despite great advances in medical care, humans do still have a 100% mortality rate,” do I fantasize that I’m immortal?
Rather, consistent with the Pennsylvania Dutch proverb (or is it Yiddish, or both?), “Mit alt cumt schmart! — With age comes wisdom!” — now that I’m “alter“, maybe I’ve mellowed into “schmarter.” You, too?
Besides that, the counselors and the psych docs also would tell me that late-lifers are especially vulnerable to life’s changing realities, inevitably evolving and mutating over time. You’d tell me that, too, right?
Can we admit that, as we grow “alter” (older) we become change-averse “rigider”? We don’t have much remaining tolerance or time to adapt to change, to re-shape our hide-bound rigid mind-sets, to deal with unwelcome new developments. Re-structure our rosy-bubble change-resistant superannuated comfort zones? — Who, us?
Gary’s Pre-Arrangements
A decade ago, I pre-arranged and pre-paid — the whole feel-good package:
The bundle of customary traditional sacred rituals, observed by countless generations, despite my religious non-observance, but out of deep respect for my people’s heritage.
A full-featured main-chapel traditional service, to heart-throb the scores of sure-to-attend family, friends, associates, clients, even creditors.
The customary and expected memorable and philosophical eulogy-sermon by the family’s and community’s revered rabbi.
A convoy of mourners-filled limousines chapel-to-cemetery.
Then, nearly the whole thing all over again at graveside.
And then, the return convoy.
Another feel-good: I chose the small, respected, home-town one-of-us funeral director that our family and many other multi-generation local families traditionally had engaged many times, rather than one of the many funeral companies absorbed by the dominant impersonal national chain.
Why Gary Changed His Plans
After a lifetime of degreed, credentialed experience with estate affairs, you’d figure that my own plan would be clairvoyantly infallible. Well, here’s a real-life “However”: After that decade’s mellowing, learning, introspecting, and life-living, I now realize that my feel-good clairvoyance actually has decomposed.
I’ve outlived most of those family, friends, clients, and creditors. And, most of the still-living have joined the 21st-century metamorphosis away from religious ritual, and away from family togetherness.
Many have abandoned home-town living and working, migrating hundreds or thousands of miles away. Even my revered Rabbi couldn’t be there, either; he’s retired, on a multi-year study residence in Israel, and grounded by the pandemic travel lockdown there.
It seems to me that feel-good foresight can decompose into feel-guilty hindsight for one reason alone, even if nothing else: the Covid-19 pandemic!
We’re catching on to its realities, aren’t we? Even the most cherished and magnificent pre-plans can’t perform well, indeed if at all, now and for the foreseeable future.
We’re realizing that it will prevent and severely limit travel and group-togetherness for a very long time. Self-isolation and social distancing are paramount. Those who feel compelled to attend a “wouldn’t even think of missing it” funeral pageant that’s regardlessly being held, must risk painful and fatal infection. And, at least in my age group, most “I’ve got to be there” funeral-goers are among the most vulnerable and already-impaired elderly.
I should continue to mandate that funerial exposition for myself during this pandemic? Wow!….Speaking of feeling guilty!
Besides, picture this: A masked/gloved/goggled/robed surrogate officiator, looking like the Grim Reaper, presiding over a nearly-alone ritually-anointed funeralee in a virtually unattended auditorium and cemetery, and a parade of nearly empty limos, all while the cost meter for all of the pageantry keeps running!
Traditions and Changes in Funerals
Tradition(?): Besides, aren’t we discovering that, like many “right thing to do” traditional mores, at-death practices continue to mutate away from traditional full-featured funerials? Now there’s more direct burial or cremation, perhaps with unstructured, heartfelts-intimate, quiet gatherings at home and at graveside.
Numerous families now prefer simple, eco-friendly “green” funerals, alkaline hydrolysis, or whole-body donation, with or without ceremonials. Some opt for other new ideas, such as online virtual observances, simple or elaborate, traditional, innovative, “green” and what else have you and your folks thought of?
Many of us welcome the alternatives’ cost-savings, too, desirably re-directing the precious thousands of dollars to help cover the estate-devouring cost of the mid-21st-century’s longer and sicker late-life.
Wisdom: Funeral directors, family counselors, and thanatologists can be knowledgeable, compassionate, helpful members of our professional estate planning and administration teams.
They contribute wisdom, such as the knowledge that pre-payment escrowed funds are exempt from Social Security and Medicaid means tests, and that prepayment protects the family from having to “front” the expenses. They advise that pre-arranging and pre-paying provide the family the gifts of freedom from conflict and argument, the burden of deciding and negotiating, and bothersome attention to details and arrangements, all at a time of deep anguish.
Family Changes Over Time
Sound, compassionate wisdom, yes? And maybe perfect for your case. But disruptive animosity pervades many loved ones’ mourning. What about the realities of conflict and friction among those who feel antagonized by one another? Will our mandates compel them to relate to each other, suffering anguish, making the stress and burdens worse, not better?
Can we bring ourselves to realize and accept that vexing, cruel reality? Can’t we instead dis-vex and dis-cruel, by specifying only the necessities — and concurrently giving everyone the freedom to have whatever other activities they want, to pre-plan or just be spontaneous, and in their own comfortable ways and times? And, our estates can cover all of the costs. Oh, how relieved everyone will be!
The Money in Pre-Planning
The money’s workplace: True it is, that pre-arranging and pre-paying lock in the costs, thus insulating us from price inflation over the remaining years until we die. Indeed, that happened — sixty percent! — in my mom’s case during the 1980s and 1990s.
But, looking back, not so in her not-so-clairvoyant son’s case in the 2010s — far, far less than sixty percent.
Objectively, let’s emphasize that prepayments are escrowed, and are in FDIC-insured bank CDs, assuring availability when needed. Thus, my $8,250.00 crept upward to a guaranteed and liquid $9,218.18 over the term. But, whoa! — that’s at a ten-year average of merely 1.05 percent per year. And, the rate’s down to a mere 0.45 percent now and foreseeably ahead.
Ironically, over that decade, almost anyone who can discipline one’s self to create a dedicated account and to keep it sacred, could have netted ‘way more in safe, diversified, liquid, investments. Even greater success, now and over the foreseeable future, could happen with the help of a financial professional. Yeah, we’ll have to pay taxes on the earnings, but we had to in the pre-pay escrow bank account, anyway.
But, let’s beware! Financial-psych gurus confirm the reality that success happens only if one is among the few investors who are mega-self-disciplined. They’re the ones who don’t yield to the temptation to invade this sacred asset for any reason, even for a retirement paradise down-payment, a “sure thing insider” stock deal, or even an uninsured hospital bill. Is that you?
Some of us prefer to pre-arrange, but to self-fund, out-of-pocket or via dedicated investments. That’ll work for those who can succeed at it.
A better idea, one that costs nothing: We don’t have to scrounge up the money for our final-expense funds, if we instead re-dedicate a part of our no-longer-needed life insurance. That beats cash surrendering it, incurring income tax on the “gain”, and losing the income tax deferment on its cash value growth, its value guarantees, its liquidity, and its probate-bypass blessings. If it’s a long-standing quality cash-value policy, its beneficial contractual options opportune us to continue it at, or nearly at, its full face value without ever paying any more into it.
Gary’s Lessons for Us All
So, yes, we can become “schmart”, and can handle the evolving realities. Agreed?
Over the decade’s time, those feel-goods and guilty-if-I-don’ts have indeed decomposed, suffering serious reality evolution that has obsoleted my package. Straight-talk reasoning with myself: “Hey, myself, now there are big, serious, ugly problems. Despite my comfort-zone rigidities, I gotta admit it. Get real! Fix them! And do it now, procrastinator!”
In light of all of that, to remedy all of the uglies, I did!
Did what? I requested, and my funeral company and the bank, both fortunately still alive and vigorous, granted cancellation and refund — expediently and graciously, even though the law’s cancel/refund chapter requires neither expediency, nor graciousness.
Then, I created a new, harmonious, simple mandate, via a do-it-myself simple letter of instruction and a legacy letter (a.k.a. ethical will). It didn’t need a legal process, although any needed attorney attention and documentary amendments or codicils would have been more than worth the time, work, and expense.
Now my fiduciaries, aided by the info and ‘druthers that I also furnish, are directed simply to plain-pine-box me away, unceremoniously and expediently, into Beloved’s and my burial plot. Equally important, everyone also is to be encouraged and funded to do whatever and whenever they’re spirited to do in memory and celebration of my life.
Gone, too, is the concern about the small home-town funeral company not being there for me at some distant future date when needed; any funeral company is OK for this, including it. Cost is minimal too, a thousand or three, even if inflation-impacted.
And, the $9,218.18 now happily thrives in a safe, designated, diversified multi-investment account that will more than cover the costs. It also will fund those subsequent observances that loved ones decide to have, whatever, wherever and whenever safe and comfortable. Incidentally, they’ll realize that the more they spend, the less they’ll inherit.
Yes, sometimes it is OK for tradition to yield to reality.
Now, surely the new plan will work well — at least, we all hope so. And, oh well, if it doesn’t, I’ll just re-clairvoyant it again.
BTW: I’ll welcome, and be honored by, your feedback: garynewman.clu@gmail.com.
Like many other in-person events impacted by the pandemic, the 4th annual Before I Die New Mexico Festival is going online as a virtual, safe experience. The four days of death-positive conversations and experiences will take place October 30 to November 2, 2020, at www.BeforeIDieNM.com.
Gail Rubin, CT, The Doyenne of Death®
“Prior to the novel coronavirus, in-person death discussion movements and festivals were sprouting up across the globe. This pandemic has brought mortality issues to top-of-mind awareness, prompting people to learn about death and plan for end-of-life,” said Gail Rubin, CT, pioneering death educator and coordinator of the festival.
The Before I Die New Mexico Virtual Festival has entertaining and educational elements. These include virtual field trips with prerecorded videos, daily online theater and movie events, book and panel discussions, and much more.
Before I Die New Mexico Virtual Festival events include:
Lively panel discussions: “Millennial Morticians with ABQ Brews” (BYOB), “Funeral Directors on Working in Coronavirus Hot Spots,” “Prospects for Medical Aid-in-Dying in New Mexico,” “How COVID-19 Impacts Native American Funerals,” and “Where the Bodies are Buried,” all about cemeteries
Daily book discussions with authors on a range of end-of-life topics, such as widowhood, medical aid-in-dying, and dealing with possessions
Speakers and workshops on planning ahead, advance healthcare directives, new trends in death care, New Mexico culture around death, and the “woo-woo” sides of life and death
Online live theater performances of short one-act plays related to mortality written by Los Alamos playwright Robert Benjamin with follow-up discussions.
A VIP Halloween Experience, a Zoom party preceded by a box of Day of the Dead goodies delivered to your home before October 31.
Tickets for Before I Die New Mexico Virtual Festival events range from one-day passes for $20 to the VIP Experience at $100. Discounts are available through selected Festival sponsors. Tickets are now on saleonline here. Learn more about all activities and events at www.BeforeIDieNM.com.
The International Cemetery, Cremation and Funeral Association (ICCFA) recognized the 2018 Before I Die New Mexico Festival with their KIP Award for Best Event. The festival is coordinated by Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist, the Doyenne of Death®, speaker and author of three books on planning for end-of-life issues, including A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die.
Festival Sponsors
The Before I Die New Mexico Virtual Festival is made possible by:
A Good Goodbye – Gail Rubin puts the “fun” in funeral planning. www.AGoodGoodbye.com
AFTR – a new way to stay connected with loved ones, anytime, anywhere. www.AFTR.live
AquamationInfo.com – learn about alkaline hydrolysis, an eco-friendly, alternative to flame cremation.
Keeper – keeping memories alive with online tributes to preserve, celebrate and share life legacies. www.MyKeeper.com
A portion of the sponsorship proceeds and ticket sales from the Before I Die NM Virtual Festival will be donated to 501(c)(3) charitable partners Fathers Building Futures, making “caskets for a cause” (www.FathersBuildingFutures.com), and Albuquerque’s Historic Fairview Cemetery, est. 1881 (www.HistoricFairviewCemeteryABQ.org).
A portion of sponsorship fees may be tax-deductible as charitable donations. Festival sponsorship opportunities are still available by calling Gail Rubin at 505-265-7215.
What: Volunteers to Clean Up Historic Fairview Cemetery
Historic Fairview Cemetery, established in Albuquerque, New Mexico in 1881, is run by a local nonprofit organization. On Labor Day Monday, September 7, starting at 8:30 a.m., volunteers will help clean up a section of the cemetery by weeding, harvesting tumbleweeds and picking up trash.
Gardening/weeding is great exercise, with built-in social distancing! Wear sunscreen, a hat, long sleeves and sturdy shoes. Bring work gloves and tools such as a weed whacker, hoe, and garden clippers if you have them. Water and snacks will be provided. You can learn some history of Albuquerque in the process.
When: Monday, September 7, 8:30 a.m. to 11:30 a.m.
Where: Historic Fairview Cemetery, 700 Yale Blvd. SE – Enter through Fairview Memorial Park, proceed east to cemetery office, turn left and continue north into historic cemetery area. Look for a white Subaru Outback and check with Gail Rubin before starting work.
Albuquerque Death Cafes are being held online for the duration of the coronavirus pandemic.
Lola, the ABQ Death Cafe mascot, wears “The one who dies with the most toys… still dies.” t-shirt.
The next online ABQ Death Cafe will take place on Zoom on Sunday, September 13 from 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. Mountain Daylight Time. To get the link to participate, send a note to Gail [at] AGoodGoodbye.com and let her know you’d like to join in the conversation.
About Death Cafes
The objective of the Death Cafe is “To increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” It’s all about an interesting, unstructured conversation – open and free-flowing with no specific agenda.
Jon Underwood, founder of the Death Cafe movement
The Death Cafe concept was started in the United Kingdom by Jon Underwood. He was influenced by the ideas of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, who started holding Cafe Mortel events in France and Switzerland. At these events, people come together in a relaxed, confidential and safe setting to discuss death, drink tea (or your favorite beverage) and eat delicious cake or cookies.
Sadly, Jon Underwood died suddenly three years ago at the age of 44 from a brain hemorrhage. It was caused by undiagnosed acute promyelocytic leukemia, a cancer of the white blood cells.
Jon’s mother Sue Barsky Reid and Jon’s sister Jools Barsky have continued his Death Cafe work, as Jon requested. To date, the Death Cafe movement has grown to more than 11,305 events in 73 countries worldwide (as of August, 2020). For information on how to hold a Death Cafe in your community, review the information at www.DeathCafe.com.
Albuquerque was the site of the second Death Cafe held in the United States. Gail Rubin hosted this pioneering event in September of 2012. Lizzy Miles held the first Death Cafe outside the U.K. in Columbus, Ohio in August of 2012.
Upcoming ABQ Death Cafes
Here is the schedule of upcoming Sunday afternoon Albuquerque Death Cafes, to be held online for the foreseeable future. There will also be daily virtual Death Cafes held as part of the Before I Die New Mexico Virtual Festival, October 30 to November 2, 2020.
October 11, 2020
November 22, 2020
December 20, 2020
Visit www.BeforeIDieNM.com to learn more about the Festival!
Join The Meetup Group
To keep in the loop on upcoming Death Cafes, join the Albuquerque Death Cafe Meetup group. You’ll receive notice of upcoming events. Click here to go to the Meetup page.
She created a conversation-starting game called The Newly-Dead Game®, introduced the Death Café movement in the United States, and held the first Before I Die Festival west of the Mississippi in 2017. Albuquerque Business First named her one of their 2019 Women of Influence.
What do funeral directors and cemetery operators do all day? How do they help grieving people? Find out in this illuminating conversation with Gail Rubin and Heather Leigh. This was part of the Reimagine: Life, Loss, & Love Virtual Festival.
Heather Leigh, General Manager of Greenhaven Memorial Gardens, is also a Certified Funeral Celebrant and Grief Recovery Specialist. She walks with families through the death of a loved one and creates unique, personalized memorial services.
In this conversation with Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist and pioneering death educator, they discuss topics such as:
Planning ahead for your funeral and why it’s important.
What do you do with men who say, “Just throw me in a ditch, I’ll be dead.”?
Can people sell previously purchased burial plots?
Common questions that people ask about funerals, cremation, and working with the dead.
Why people avoid funeral planning.
Funerals, memorial services, celebrations of life – what’s the point?
How to have “the conversation” with your family and why it’s important.
This event was part of the groundbreaking virtual death discussion festival Reimagine: Life, Loss & Love. A Good Goodbye is collaborating with event hosts around the world to co-create this much-needed exploration of death-related topics. Events focus on embracing life, facing death, and loving fully, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic.
The books mentioned during the conversation (Amazon affiliate links):
Join in this important conversation with Anne Moss Rogers and Gail Rubin.
How can you support someone who has suffered a loss by suicide? Join in this illuminating Reimagine: Life, Loss, & Love Virtual Festival conversation with Anne Moss Rogers and Gail Rubin. The online event takes place on Friday, August 28, 2020 at 2:00 p.m. ET/1:00 p.m. CT/12:00 p.m. MT/11:00 a.m. PT. REGISTER ONLINE HERE.
TEDx and emotionally naked® speaker, Anne Moss Rogers, lost her 20-year-old son, Charles Aubrey Rogers, to suicide on June 5, 2015. He struggled with anxiety, depression, and ultimately a heroin addiction.
A loss by suicide is like no other and survivors are especially vulnerable in grief because they often feel they are to blame for not having seen the often-subtle signs. Friends and family members feel helpless and don’t know how to respond or what to do. This will be a frank conversation on how you can support the unique needs of those who’ve lost someone to suicide.
In conversation with pioneering death educator Gail Rubin, CT, we will discuss:
What is suicide and why do people kill themselves?
What to say or do that will support a friend/family member.
What is the “wrong” thing to say to a friend/family member who has lost someone to suicide.
How to sit with someone in their pain.
How to spot a suicide loss survivor who may be at risk of suicide themselves.
About Anne Moss Rogers
Anne Moss Rogers
Anne Moss Rogers is a TEDx speaker, storyteller, writer, and certified suicide prevention trainer who helps people foster connection to prevent suicide, reduce substance misuse and find life after loss.
She has been interviewed by the New York Times and was the first suicide loss survivor ever invited to speak at the National Institute of Mental Health. Her blog, Emotionally Naked, reached over a half million in its first three years on subjects that have often been shoved to the back of the closet— suicide and that which triggers this cause of death, addiction and mental illness and grief. Her book, Diary of a Broken Mind, is an International Book Award Finalist and a nominee for the 2020 Library of Virginia Literary Award.
Originally from Fayetteville, North Carolina and a graduate of the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill, she’s been married to her husband, Randy, since 1986. They raised two sons, the late Charles Aubrey, 20, a comedian, writer, actor and rap artist, and Richard, 26, a graduate of UNC School of the Arts, currently living his dream in Los Angeles as a filmmaker.
Albuquerque Business First named her one of their 2019 Women of Influence. CRäKN, the funeral industry blog, recently identified Gail as a leader to watch. READ THE ARTICLE.
About Reimagine: Life, Loss, & Love
This event is part of the groundbreaking virtual death discussion festival Reimagine: Life, Loss & Love.A Good Goodbye is collaborating with event hosts around the world to co-create this much-needed exploration of death-related topics. Events focus on embracing life, facing death, and loving fully, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. Festival events are scheduled through September 1, 2020. VIEW THE FULL SCHEDULE HERE.
There was another great volunteer clean up event at Historic Fairview Cemetery on Saturday, August 1. Thank you to everyone who came out to help, especially the Daughters of the American Revolution (DAR). They are on a mission to identify and beautify the graves of Buffalo Soldiers interred in HFC. We learned about Sgt. James Price, and you can watch the video about his history here. The Albuquerque Journal sent a photographer, and some nice photos appeared in Sunday’s newspaper.
With all the rain we’ve been having, the tumbleweed population is ballooning. To keep these weeds under control, we are holding another volunteer clean up event at Historic Fairview Cemetery on Saturday, August 15 starting at 9:00 a.m. If it works with your schedule, I hope you’ll come out!
Enter through Fairview Memorial Park, 700 Yale Blvd. SE. This is a perpetual care area with grass and trees. The entrance is just north of the intersection with Cesar Chavez Blvd. Head east to the cemetery office, then turn left and head north into the historic area, which is high desert brown.
Wear sunscreen, a hat, long sleeves and sturdy shoes. Bring work gloves and tools such as a weed whacker, hoe, and garden clippers if you have them. We’ll provide water and snacks, and heavy duty trash bags. You can learn some history of Albuquerque in the process.
Sign up through this link to our Facebook Page Event. Anthony Gomez is coordinating this clean up. If you have questions, call him at 505-203-1135.
We have a new website! We are very proud to introduce you to www.HistoricFairviewCemeteryABQ.org. Many thanks to Jocelyn Jackman for her work on the site. You can also join the Historic Fairview Cemetery email list through this link.
