Drawing of Lloyd Garcia by granddaughter Evie

Seven grandchildren remembering their beloved Papa who passed away on January 16, 2020

Julia:

I loved that my Papa was always willing to drop whatever he was doing to help with whatever I needed. He was also patient with me and helped correct mistakes I made. He was energetic and passionate about sports, his hobbies and especially his grandchildren. I loved him so much!

Joaquin:

I remember that my Papa was extremely passionate when it came to sports. For example, I remember I was playing in a soccer game and he was yelling so much that the referee refused to ref the rest of the game. To be fair to Papa, the ref was making some pretty terrible calls. So in that way Papa always had mine and my team’s back, no matter what! That’s what I will always remember about him.

Evan:

I miss you Papa… I wish I could see you and spend one more day with you!

Allison:

My Papa was one of the best guys I knew. When he walked into room you noticed him. He was super funny and had a goofy laugh. One of my most memorable moments of him is when we would watch football, he would constantly yell at the refs for bad calls. I also remember when we had sleepovers he would wake up super early to go officiate at track meets. I remember him bringing us stuff for those meets, lanyards to backpacks, he got it all! When I was little I remember him always cheering us up to playing with us even if it was with care bears or dolls. I have so many more memories, too many to write!

Evie:

My favorite thing about my Papa was how he would always laugh at a joke even if it wasn’t funny! That’s what I love most about Papa.

Natalie:

I loved having sleepovers with my Papa. We would always eat lots of snacks and watch movies. He spoiled me a lot and I love him.

Sawyer:

I loved that I called my Papa, Mr. Potato Head! He was always nice to me. He was my buddy.

What would the children in your life say about you in your obituary?

You can find guidance for writing your obituary (or someone else’s) in Gail Rubin’s book, A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die.

The post An Obituary Through the Eyes of Grandchildren first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Do you have questions about cremation? Tune in to watch A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die and learn what you need to know before you go! This episode is airing Albuquerque’s cable channel 27 on Tuesday, January 12 at 8:00 p.m. and Saturday, January 16 at 2:00 p.m. MST.

This 26-minute interview features Tom Antram, the president and CEO of FRENCH Funerals and Cremations, and Buck Dyck, a funeral director and funeral home location manager. Among the topics discussed:

• Why cremation has skyrocketed in popularity.
• What cremation actually entails.
• The funeral home’s process leading up to cremation, so families can know the remains they receive are the remains of their loved ones.
• Examples of creative memorial services and creative things to do with cremated remains.

A Good Goodbye TV, the only television series devoted to discussing funeral planning issues, is also available on YouTube. Host Gail Rubin, CT, interviews experts in a range of end-of-life areas on what you need to know BEFORE there’s a death in the family. Learn more about the entire A Good Goodbye TV series HERE.

The anchor sponsor for the series is the FRENCH Family of Companies. They include FRENCH Funerals & Cremations; FRENCH Advance Planning; Sunset Memorial Park; Best Friends Pet Services; Best Friends Forever Pet Cemetery and Cremation Society of New Mexico (CSNM). FRENCH is the recipient of the National Funeral Directors Association’s 2012 Pursuit of Excellence^® Award and a member of Selected Independent Funeral Homes. Their website is www.FrenchFunerals.com. Other sponsors include (in alphabetical order):

• Compassion and Choices (www.CompassionandChoices.org)
• Blue Eagle Metaphysical Emporium (www.BlueEagleMetaphysical.com)
• Funeralwise.com (www.Funeralwise.com)
• Katzman Monument Company (www.KatzmanMonument.com)
• Steven P. Margulin CPA CFP® (www,RetirementExtender.com)
• Morris Hall estate planning attorneys (www.MorrisTrust.com)
• The Old Pine Box (www.TheOldPineBox.com)
• Passages International (www.PassagesInternational.com)

The four-DVD set of 12 interviews, from pre-need planning to grief counseling, is $24.99 plus shipping. Place your order for the A Good Goodbye TV series on DVD today! CLICK HERE to order.

Cremation Urns, Jewelry and Keepsakes

Need a cremation urn, cremation jewelry, or keepsake urns? Check out A Good Goodbye’s Urn Store. At this online shopping site, you’ll find a wide selection of quality products, the same ones that funeral homes purchase. You can place your order through the secure site, or call 888-317-3099 and speak with a live person.

There are urns of brass, wood, ceramics, marble, and biodegradable options. The jewelry includes options in gold, sterling silver, stainless steel, and glass. There are lovely handmade urns and jewelry, and fingerprint jewelry that can preserve the unique patterns of people and pets in silver or gold. The site also features The Life Chest, beautiful memento storage boxes in a range of styles.

The online store is run by UPD Urns, a respected company with a long track record of providing cremation products to funeral homes. The public can now browse and directly buy the same products carried by funeral homes. The FTC Funeral Rule allows the public to bring their own cremation containers to a funeral home, which must accept it without charging a fee.

You can choose your products and place your order online through the secure site, which accepts payment by Visa, Master Card, Discover, American Express and PayPal. If you prefer, call 888-317-3099 and speak with a live person. Visit the Memorial Store now!

The post Cremation on A Good Goodbye TV Tonight first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Historic Fairview Cemetery Holds Groundbreaking for Xeric Demonstration Garden

Xeric plants on grave in Historic Fairview Cemetery.

Historic Fairview Cemetery, established in Albuquerque, NM in 1881, is ripe for a low-water xeric garden. The cemetery is run by a local nonprofit organization. On Saturday, January 16, starting at 1:30 p.m., the organization’s Board and President Gail Rubin will hold a groundbreaking yucca planting ceremony.

The planting kicks off a project to foster xeric demonstration gardens in the cemetery, to beautify this high desert final resting place of approximately 12,000 people. In addition, these low-water gardens will provide visitors with inspiration to create their own xeric landscapes.

After the socially-distanced groundbreaking, attendees are invited to take a self-guided tour of the cemetery. Stories of certain “permanent residents” are highlighted with new signage throughout the cemetery. Attendees are encouraged to use provided trash bags to help tidy up while they tour the cemetery.

A Little History…

The first official form of government in New Albuquerque was The Albuquerque Board of Trade, which was founded in 1881-1882. The Board was comprised of Albuquerque’s leading merchants and professional men. Franz Huning, William Hazeldine and Elias Stover were among the Board members. People realized in 1882, that local citizens were burying their dead on the “sand hills” to the east of downtown, Elias Stover wrote an editorial in the Albuquerque Morning Journal requesting that a “proper” cemetery be created. These men founded the Albuquerque Cemetery Association, first listed in the 1883 City Directory. Fairview Cemetery was managed by the association. The city directory lists Elias Stover as President and Oren Strong as superintendent and general manager in 1900.

When: Saturday, January 16, 2021 at 1:30 p.m.

Where: Historic Fairview Cemetery, 700 Yale Blvd. SE – Enter through the gates of Fairview Memorial Park, near the intersection with Avenida Cesar Chavez. Proceed east to the cemetery office, turn left and continue north into historic cemetery area. The groundbreaking will take place just east of the cemetery gates on Yale.

BONUS: On Sunday, January 17 at 2:00 p.m., cemetery president Gail Rubin will present “Tales from Albuquerque’s Historic Fairview Cemetery” at the monthly Albuquerque Historical Society online meeting. The presentation will be live at the AHS Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Albuquerque-Historical-Society-337876909649053/

The post January 16: Xeric Garden Groundbreaking at Historic Fairview Cemetery first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Live Online Presentation

Yott and Marianetti funeral at Fairview Cemetery circa 1917-1919

On Sunday, January 17, 2021, at 2 PM. Gail Rubin, President of the Historic Fairview Cemetery nonprofit organization, will speak on the topic “Historic Fairview Cemetery: Final Resting Place for Notable People in Albuquerque History.” The program will take place by live stream on the Albuquerque Historical Society Facebook page.

Historic Fairview Cemetery at 700 Yale Blvd SE in Albuquerque, New Mexico, was founded in 1881 and has approximately 12,000 permanent residents. Yet, only about 6,000 of the graves have markers. It’s the final resting place both the famous and the unknown. There are military graves for Buffalo Soldiers and Teddy Roosevelt’s Rough Riders, notable politicians, sports figures, fraternal organization members, and unknown individuals who nonetheless have fascinating stories. Gail Rubin, CT, president of the nonprofit Historic Fairview Cemetery organization, will introduce you to some of these stories.

Learn about the unique designs of the cemetery’s markers and graves, and how you can learn more about the history of Albuquerque and New Mexico by visiting Historic Fairview Cemetery. Donations to the nonprofit are greatly appreciated through the website, www.HistoricFairviewCemeteryABQ.org.

About Gail Rubin, CT

Gail Rubin, CT, The Doyenne of Death®

Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist and The Doyenne of Death®, is a death educator who uses humor, film clips, and outside-the-box activities to help people plan ahead for our 100% mortality rate. She’s the author of three award-winning books on planning ahead for end-of-life issues (A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, Hail and Farewell: Cremation Ceremonies, Templates and Tips, and Kicking the Bucket List: 100 Downsizing and Organizing Things to Do Before You Die), creator of The Newly-Dead Game and The Family Plot File, and an informed advocate for planning ahead.

A member of Congregation Albert’s Cemetery Committee since 2010, Gail has experience with historic cemeteries. This Jewish cemetery, adjacent to Historic Fairview Cemetery, was originally founded by B’nai Brith in 1897 with the involvement of Albuquerque’s first mayor, Henry N. Jaffa. Jaffa was also the first president of Congregation Albert, founded in 1897 and the oldest continuing Jewish organization in New Mexico.

Gail became president of Historic Fairview Cemetery in March of 2020. The nonprofit organization is charged with maintaining the grounds and educating the public about the history of Albuquerque as told by the cemetery’s permanent residents. She has organized monthly volunteer clean up days, created signage for the cemetery, generated news coverage, and worked with cemetery historian Susan Schwartz to create self-guided cemetery tour information. The nonprofit is also working on making the cemetery a xeriscape demonstration garden.

Gail is coordinator of the annual Before I Die New Mexico Festival, which donates a portion of sponsorship proceeds and ticket sales to support Historic Fairview Cemetery. She’s also a TEDx speaker, and a winner of the 2019 Women of Influence Award from Albuquerque Business First.

The post January 17: Albuquerque Historical Society Presentation first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Obituary as Play Script

This creative obituary for actress Shannon Marshall shares her life story as a play script. It shares her passions in life and names the people who were special to her. Bravo to whoever wrote this obituary!

A ROCK OF REFUGE

Shannon L. Marshall

An Obituary in One Act for SHANNON L. MARSHALL

SCENE: Two figures stand together behind a veil of ethereal, wispy clouds. A woman is dressed in a beautiful white gown with a shawl of rainbow colors, the other woman in a simple white gown. The veil of clouds lifts as the scene opens.

GOD: Welcome home, dear Shannon.

SHANNON: Is this heaven?

GOD: Yes my child. You have many people here looking forward to seeing you. Your father Robert, mother Jean, grandparents, aunts and uncles, nephew Eddie, step-mother Jean and many others.

SHANNON: When can I see them?

GOD: Well, first, we have to do our intake, you know, review the ledger balance if you will.

SHANNON: Oh dear Lor.. um.. dear me.

GOD: (brings forth large 3-ring binder) Well let’s pick up when you were President of the regional youth council for the Disciples of Christ Church. Um, it appears that you left due to a bit of cannabis?

SHANNON: Well, I did grow up in New Mexico in the seventies.

GOD: Actually, I am hoping to myself that the legislature legalizes the good herb this year, so we’ll just call this one even.

Next we have a thick chapter about your early acting career in Albuquerque. Quite a lot in here, but I see you actually played me once, in Dance with the Prime Mover. Perhaps some blasphemous parts in there, but you get extra points since you got such great reviews. And then what do you have to say about the production of Equus, where you hired protestors to picket your own show to protest against the nudity?

SHANNON: (smiles mischievously) That did help sell out the show.

GOD: Hmmm, I suppose that’s all in good fun. And then later in Flint where you directed and produced Children of a Lesser God with the Michigan School for the Deaf. You certainly earned points on the plus side of the ledger for that important production. Due to the merits of that play I think we can overlook some shenanigans with Stephanie.

SHANNON: You can see everything, right?

GOD: Yes, let’s just keep moving and open the thickest chapter, “Shannon with Liz, Suki and other girlfriends”

SHANNON: (eyes wide) Oy vey, are you sure you really want to see everything?

GOD: (raises one eyebrow) Yes, Shannon, but let’s just dig in. Certainly some, um, colorful stories in this chapter. I think I can address some of these when I see Suki and Liz- some serious good deeds will be required from the three of you to even the scales a bit, but I actually want to recognize what you did for your friends and their families. Many times, you were their rock of refuge during times of crisis, and you should know they are all eternally grateful for your love and care.

Now let’s take a look at this important chapter with your husband, Geoff. You had many adventures in those years, more than many people have in lifetimes. You each knew this wasn’t your first life together, and I suspect this won’t be the last. Geoff wants you to know that he loves you still, and that he is sorry.

SHANNON: We loved greatly.

GOD: There are many hearts on earth that miss you deeply. Brother John, brother Bob and wife Susan, and their children Jennifer and her husband Jim, Robert Marshall III and his wife Emily, Ulysses, Suzzann and her husband Randy, step-siblings Kimber and Devin, godson Rafael, Michaella and your husband Geoff

(places hand on Shannon’s head) Shannon, your place in heaven is now secured, your pains washed away, your sorrows lifted. Please come now to see those who await. Oh, and when you get to the eternal all-you-can-eat buffet, you’ll find that some of the most popular dishes are your recipes. It’s in my authority to steal them.

FADE TO BLACK

A memorial service for Shannon will be held on Thursday, January 14th at 2:00pm, streaming via YouTube, with Rev. Dawn Rosignol of Monte Vista Christian Church (www.montevista.org). The family asks for support of the Roadrunner Food Bank, www.rrfb.org, in honor of Shannon’s service to others.

The post Obituary as One Act Play: Shannon L. Marshall first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

The Embalmers’ Cookbook

Recently, I had the pleasure of interviewing Jeff Chancellor, co-author of The Embalmers’ Cookbook. Written along with his friend Mike Brown, the cookbook is a fun collection of “Recipes to Die For” and trivia about embalming and funeral history.

Fun Recipes and Trivia

The recipes include drinks (Chemical Solutions), salads (Casket Sprays & Flowers), rice and noodles (Maggots and Worms), meats (Rigor Mortis), and desserts (Happy Endings). Some of the recipes I’m looking forward to trying are The Morturita (a margarita), Grandma’s Funeral Salad (potato salad), Vampire Repellent (creamy garlic risotto), and Death By Cheesecake (obvious).

Half of the book includes trivia about embalming, images of old advertisements, and little-known funeral history stories. One example of trivia: Jesus Christ was embalmed using a 50-kilogram mixture containing aloe, frankincense and myrrh, and then He was wrapped in linen and spices by Joseph of Arimethea and Nicodemus.

Embalmers Cookbook co-author Jeff Chancellor

The Embalmers’ Cookbook is a collaborative effort by two longtime friends who are also experts in embalming. Mike Brown and Jeff Chancellor have a combined 75 years of experience blending the knowledge, skill, and artistry of embalming.

As Brown and Chancellor say in the introduction: “The following delicious recipes are an expression of who they are. Like embalming, these “knock your socks off” recipes are a blend of art and science, but don’t worry, you don’t need skill or knowledge. They are simple to prepare, the ingredients are easy to acquire, and most importantly, they are delicious.”

As Jeff Chancellor says, “Treat every meal as if it were your last, one day you will be right!”

When the book becomes available on Amazon, it will be listed in the Books to Die For store on A Good Goodbye.com. In the meantime, if you’d like to get a copy, reach out to Jeff Chancellor through LinkedIn.

The post Video: The Embalmers’ Cookbook Interview with Jeff Chancellor first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

The Blue Screen of Death by Richard Thompson

Join the Conversation in the Next Death Cafe!

The next Albuquerque Death Cafe will take place ONLINE on Sunday, January 24, 2020, 3:00 to 4:30 p.m. Mountain Standard Time. Due to self-distancing imposed by the coronavirus pandemic, we will meet through Zoom. RSVP to Gail [at] AGoodGoodbye.com to receive the link for the meeting.

The objective of the Death Cafe is “to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” It’s an interesting, unstructured conversation with no specific agenda. The Death Cafe offers a relaxed, confidential and safe setting to discuss death. We drink tea (or your favorite beverage) and eat delicious cake or cookies.

Please provide your own refreshments. Have a cup of tea or coffee and a cookie or other snack handy.

The Death Cafe concept was started in the United Kingdom by Jon Underwood. He was influenced by the ideas of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, who started holding Cafe Mortel events in France and Switzerland. Albuquerque was the first city in the U.S. west of the Mississippi to hold a Death Cafe. Gail Rubin hosted it in September, 2012.

For more information about Death Cafes, visit this page at AGoodGoodbye.com or visit www.DeathCafe.com. Join the Albuquerque Death Cafe Meetup group to be kept apprised of upcoming events. Click here to go to the Meetup page.

Your Death Cafe Host

Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist, hosts the Albuquerque Death Cafe. She is a pioneering death educator. Rubin is a public speaker, a published author of three books, host of a TV interview series and podcast, a blogger, a funeral industry trade journalist, a Certified Funeral Celebrant, and an innovator in the funeral business. She created a conversation-starting game called The Newly-Dead Game®, introduced the Death Café movement in the United States, and held the first Before I Die Festival west of the Mississippi in 2017. Albuquerque Business First named her one of their 2019 Women of Influence.

The post January 24: Online Death Cafe first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Claire Willis, author of Opening to Grief

Do we even recognize the river of grief we are trying to navigate in 2020? Claire B. Willis, co-author with Marnie Crawford Samuelson, of Opening to Grief: finding your way from loss to peace, offers insights that can help.

Claire Willis is a clinical social worker who has worked in the fields of oncology and bereavement for more than 20 years. A co-founder of the Boston nonprofit Facing Cancer Together, Claire has led bereavement, end-of-life, support and therapeutic writing groups. She maintains a private practice in Brookline, Massachusetts. As a lay Buddhist chaplain ordained by Joan Halifax at Upaya Zen Center in Santa Fe, she focuses on contemplative practices for end-of-life care.

In this new Books to Die For video, Gail Rubin talks with Willis about Opening to Grief and specific techniques we can employ to recognize and respond to our reactions to loss. These losses can come in many forms, not just death. It can be the loss of health, employment, connections with others, and the overall departure from “normal” the pandemic has wrought.

“I think often people don’t people don’t recognize what they’re feeling is grief because what people think of grief is sadness and sorrow. But grief is many, many feelings and some of the common feelings are anger, rage, irritability, and impatience,” explained Willis. “I think everyone is grieving something different, but everybody is grieving the loss of life as we knew it before.”

Watch/listen to this interview

Notable Quotes

Here are some quotes from this interview with Claire Willis:

We will never go back to the way it was. It may be that we return to something better. It may be returned something more difficult. It’s really hard to know. But unequivocally, it will be different. And I think one of the things, one of the positive things that COVID has done, if you can call it positive, is it’s put the word “grief” into the culture. We read about in the New York Times, we read about it in The Atlantic. It’s become a word that people are beginning to become familiar with and all the nuances of it. So not only have we lost a sense of life as we knew it, but a lot of people are finding that the the losses brought on by COVID have resurrected old griefs.

People are thinking about deaths that they experienced when they were younger, and losses they had that they may not have taken time or even had the sense of grieving about. COVID has brought its own griefs, but it’s also resurrected all the griefs we haven’t grieved. There’s a saying what we resist will persist and if we haven’t dealt with our losses, they’re going to raise up their little heads and say, “Pay attention tend to me.”

One of the messages of the book is that grief has as many presentations as there are people that grieve. Besides the range of feelings, grief has a lot of behavioral and cognitive impacts. For instance, people often can’t sleep or they feel tired all the time. They can’t concentrate. A lot of people find they can’t read, that their attention qualities have changed. There’s overeating, under-eating, over-exercising, under-exercising, and and for many people, there’s been a shattering of their faith. Like, “How did this happen?” Just a sense of disbelief and shock, in a way. It really affects us spiritually, cognitively, physically and behaviorally.

Techniques for Finding Your Way

Opening to Grief includes chapters on Beginning with Kindness, Feeling Grateful, Opening to Mindfulness and Meditation, Restoring in Nature, Making Art, and Writing as a Refuge. It includes techniques for deepening practices that can help, such as journaling, breath meditations, and self-compassion. It also includes a section with poems about grief, books to read and online resources. Events related to the book and links to resources are available at www.OpeningToGrief.com.

About Gail Rubin, CT

Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®

Gail Rubin, CT, is a pioneering death educator, speaker, author, coordinator of the annual Before I Die New Mexico Festival, and president of the Historic Fairview Cemetery nonprofit organization. Known by her title, The Doyenne of Death®, she uses humor, film clips and outside-the-box activities to start end-of-life planning conversations. She was one of the first people to hold a Death Café in the United States. Albuquerque Business First recognized her with their 2019 Women of Influence Award. Her website is www.AGoodGoodbye.com.

The post Books to Die For Video: Opening to Grief first appeared on A Good Goodbye ~ Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die.

Gail Rubin spoke at Wings For LIFE International about managing grief during the holidays. Using clips from the 2015 Disney Pixar film Inside Out, she explained how anger and sadness play important roles in our emotional reactions to change and loss. The scenes she showed brilliantly illustrated the impact of sadness on our emotional reactions to change and loss.

Wings For LIFE International helps families and individuals impacted by incarceration. Their mission is Transforming Lives to Break the Generational Cycle of Incarceration. They hold weekly programs to help these individuals and their families. The talks are broadcast live on Facebook and shared later on YouTube. Visit this page to download helpful tips for surviving the holidays.

Watch Gail’s Presentation

Sadness and Anger Have a Role to Play

In “The Gift and Power of Emotional Courage,” a TEDWomen 2017 talk by psychologist Susan David, she explained why it’s good to embrace so-called “negative” feelings. She conducted a survey of more than 70 thousand people. She found that a third of us either judge ourselves for having so-called “bad emotions,” like sadness, anger or even grief, or we actively try to push aside these feelings. In her TED talk she said:

“Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don’t get to have a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place without stress and discomfort. Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life.”

Cartoons offer us a way to open up to the tough emotions. They also help us learn about our reactions to all kinds of losses, not just about mourning death.

INSIDE OUT (2015)

Disney Pixar Inside Out emotions (L to R): Anger, Disgust, Joy, Fear, and Sadness

The 2015 Disney Pixar film Inside Out introduces us to five key emotions that power our actions: Joy, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, and Anger. While we actually feel a wider range of emotions, the filmmakers had to limit the number of characters. This approach to our emotional makeup is based on the work of two University of California psychology professors: Dacher Keltner and Paul Ekman, a renowned emotion scientist and close friend of the Dalai Lama. These five emotions, embodied as colorful characters inside the mind of an 11-year old girl named Riley, work the psyche’s control panel inside Headquarters. At the very beginning of the film, we see the roles each emotion plays in her life development.

ISLANDS OF PERSONALITY, TRAUMA OF CHANGE

Joy gets the greatest amount of control time, relentlessly keeping Riley happy and upbeat. She keeps Sadness away from influencing experiences, memories, and especially, the vital core memories that power Riley’s “Islands of Personality.” Her islands are Family Island, Hockey Island, Goofball Island, Friendship Island, and Honesty Island. These personality islands make Riley “Riley,” the person she is.

A move from the family home in Minnesota to San Francisco prompts a crisis. In life, our situations constantly change. Riley’s personality is principally defined by Joy. However, this film helps us understand loss and what people gain when guided by feelings of sadness.

WHAT DO WE TEND TO DO?

As illustrated by the film, we tend to keep sadness away from our consciousness. We don’t want to feel sad. We don’t want sadness to color our memories. Being upbeat all the time can be exhausting! Yet scientific studies indicate sadness can be a guide, helping us to recognize changes we are going through and what we have lost. Sadness can help set the stage to develop new facets of our identities.

DISGUST, FEAR AND ANGER

Anger Fear and Disgust in Inside Out

Riley has a mental meltdown the first day in her new school. As a result, Joy and Sadness, along with Riley’s golden core memories, are swept out of Headquarters into the far reaches of her psyche and they must find their way back. With the core memories missing, her Islands of Personality are crumbling. Disgust, Fear, and Anger assume control of Riley’s interactions with her parents, who also have these emotional characters in their minds.

Riley becomes apathetic without Joy and Sadness in Headquarters. Anger comes up with the idea to run away back to Minnesota by bus. But once the plan is set in motion, Riley’s emotional control panel is frozen. The other emotions can’t remove the running away idea. Joy and Sadness return to Headquarters in the nick of time. When Sadness is allowed to be expressed, Riley and her parents can express their vulnerability and find understanding.

SADNESS OFFERS VALUE

As Dacher Keltner and Paul Ekman explain in “The Science of Inside Out,” a New York Times opinion column (July 5, 2015), “Inside Out offers a new approach to sadness. Its central insight: Embrace sadness, let it unfold, engage patiently with a preteen’s emotional struggles. Sadness will clarify what has been lost (childhood) and move the family toward what is to be gained: the foundations of new identities, for children and parents alike.”

Sadness and anger are not “bad” emotions. They are an integral part of who we are. As adults, the emotions work as a team, rather than having just one in control. As Riley moves toward puberty, she gets an upgraded control panel, with room for more of the emotions to operate at once.

WWW.ATLASOFEMOTIONS.ORG

The science behind Inside Out is available to the general public on this website, AtlasOfEmotions.org. It’s a project supported by the Dalai Lama, with the goal of understanding our emotions to develop a calm mind. It’s based on the work of emotional scientist Dr. Paul Keltner and his daughter Eve Keltner, an emotional researcher. It’s designed to help ordinary individuals become aware of our emotions, understand our triggers, and develop constructive strategies in our responses. I hope you’ll visit this website and experiment with the responsive features in The Atlas of Emotions.

Inside Out is available on Amazon (affiliate link).

The post Video: Understanding Sadness and Anger at the Holidays first appeared on A Good Goodbye ~ Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die.

Series starts January 5, 2021 on Comcast Cable Channel 27

The TV series A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die returns to Albuquerque’s Comcast Cable Channel 27 starting January 5, 2021, at 8:00 p.m. MST. The 14-episode series of 30-minute programs presents expert interviews on everything you need to know about funeral planning before there’s a death in the family. It’s hosted by pioneering death educator Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist, who brings a light touch to teaching about planning ahead for end-of-life.

Episodes cover topics such as pre-planning a funeral, cremation and memorial services, cemeteries, green burial, life celebrations, pet loss, estate planning, financial planning, managing funeral costs, hospice, grief, and other issues. Episodes are scheduled to air on Albuquerque’s Comcast Channel 27 Tuesdays at 8:00 p.m. MT and Saturdays at 2:00 p.m. MT from January 5 through April 10.

“During this coronavirus pandemic, the mounting death toll and restrictions on gatherings make advance funeral planning more important than ever before. By planning ahead, we can help our loved ones reduce stress, minimize conflict, save money, and have a ‘good goodbye,’” said Rubin. “With our 100% mortality rate, this TV series makes it easier for people to know what needs to be done not if but when there’s a death in the family.”

The TV series is also available online as YouTube videos and on a 4-DVD set. The YouTube playlist is: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLe6E4W6NoP5tV0JLy5dMAeL0sSp4iPlMx. The DVD set is available at https://agoodgoodbye.com/radio-tv/a-good-goodbye-tv-series/.

Gail Rubin, CT, host of A Good Goodbye TV

Series host Gail Rubin, CT, is a speaker, author, coordinator of the annual Before I Die New Mexico Festival, and president of the Historic Fairview Cemetery nonprofit organization. Known by her title, The Doyenne of Death®, she uses humor, film clips and outside-the-box activities to start end-of-life planning conversations. She was one of the first people to hold a Death Café in the United States. Albuquerque Business First recognized her with their 2019 Women of Influence Award. Her website is www.AGoodGoodbye.com.

The series was first produced and aired in 2013 through Comcast’s cable access program, which was on hiatus for the past few years. Studio 519 Public Access Channel 27 recently renovated the studio, installing new equipment at the Central Avenue location. The project is designed to allow Albuquerque residents to create original video content and share programs on cable. Learn more at www.Studio519ABQ.com.

The series’ anchor sponsor is the FRENCH Family of Companies, including FRENCH Funerals & Cremations, Sunset Memorial Park, Best Friends Pet Cremation Services, and Cremation Society of New Mexico. Their website is www.FrenchFunerals.com.

Other sponsors include Morris Hall, PLLC, estate planning attorneys, www.MorrisTrust.com; Retirement Extender, financial advisors, www.RetirementExtender.com; and Estate Pros, offering professional dispersal of personal possessions due to a move, illness or death, www.EstateProsNM.com.

A Good Goodbye TV sponsors in 2021 are Estate Pros, French Funerals & Cremations, Morris Hall Estate Planning Attorneys and Retirement Extender.

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