Body Donations Get You a Free Cremation, But…

Do you know what actually happens to the donated body? According to the National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA), “When a family chooses to donate a loved one’s body for education or research, they do so with the hope that they will help others. Regrettably, many are unknowingly contributing to a for-profit industry in which the body of their loved one could be traded as raw material in a largely unregulated national market.”

“With the introduction of the Consensual Donation and Research Integrity Act of 2021 (H.R. 4062; CDRI Act) in the House, which has the full support of NFDA, Congress is taking a significant step toward protecting the dignity of donors and offering peace of mind to families.”

Reuters’ “The Body Brokers” Series

In 2017, the Reuters news service did an in-depth five-part series called The Body Brokers. The stories reveal a horror show: donated bodies hacked apart and sold, people with little experience doing grisly, crude dissections, severed heads stacked on shelves.

Congress is stepping up to eliminate these abuses. The NFDA supports the Consensual Donation & Research Integrity Act, which will protect the dignity of donors and give families peace of mind by creating standards for registration; inspection; chain of custody; labeling and packaging; and proper disposition.

The CDRI Act, introduced by Reps. Bobby Rush (D-IL) and Gus Bilirakis (R-FL), would provide the Secretary of Health and Human Services with oversight of entities that deal with human bodies and non-transplantable body parts donated for education, research and the advancement of medical, dental and mortuary science; registered members of the Organ Procurement and Transplantation Network, which are already strictly regulated, would be exempt.

The bill also, among other things, creates a clear chain of custody for each human body or body part; ensures shipments of human bodies and body parts are properly labeled and packaged; and ensures the respectful and proper disposition of donated bodies and body parts. Additionally, the CDRI Act establishes penalties for violations. You can read the full story on the Connecting Directors website here.

If you still want to get a free cremation using a body donation service, here’s a Family Plot blog post that lists contacts for body donation services approved by the AATB, the American Association of Tissue Banks.

Why are people calling me for body donation services?

Cremation Urns, Jewelry and Keepsakes

Need a cremation urn, cremation jewelry, or keepsake urns? Check out A Good Goodbye’s Urn Store. At this online shopping site, you’ll find a wide selection of quality products, the same ones that funeral homes purchase. You can place your order through the secure site, or call 888-317-3099 and speak with a live person.

There are urns of brass, wood, ceramics, marble, and biodegradable options. The jewelry includes options in gold, sterling silver, stainless steel, and glass. There are lovely handmade urns and jewelry, and fingerprint jewelry that can preserve the unique patterns of people and pets in silver or gold. The site also features The Life Chest, beautiful memento storage boxes in a range of styles.

The online store is run by UPD Urns, a respected company with a long track record of providing cremation products to funeral homes. The public can now browse and directly buy the same products carried by funeral homes. The FTC Funeral Rule allows the public to bring their own cremation containers to a funeral home, which must accept it without charging a fee.

You can choose your products and place your order online through the secure site, which accepts payment by Visa, Master Card, Discover, American Express and PayPal. If you prefer, call 888-317-3099 and speak with a live person.

Visit the Memorial Store now!

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The Death Cafe in Albuquerque will hold two events in July: one online on July 11 and one in-person on July 18. The objective of the Death Cafe is “To increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.”  It’s all about an interesting, unstructured conversation – open and free-flowing with no specific agenda.

When the pandemic took hold in March, 2020, Albuquerque Death Cafes were held online on Zoom. The format proved to be popular, not only with people in New Mexico, but also for those across the U.S. and around the world. As pandemic restrictions ease, in-person conversations are coming back.

Instead of a once-a-month discussion, ABQ Death Cafe host Gail Rubin will double up the number of events, holding one online and the other in person. Events will be held on Sunday afternoons. In-person events will be held at Manzano Del Sol, a retirement community in Albuquerque.

Those who are fully vaccinated against COVID-19 may attend without masks. Those who are not yet fully vaccinated are required to wear masks while on the Manzano Del Sol campus. Manzano Del Sol is located at 5201 Roma Avenue NE. Meetings take place in the 5th Floor Lounge near the elevators.

Join The Meetup Group

The best way to keep in the loop on upcoming Death Cafes is to join the Albuquerque Death Cafe Meetup group. Click here to go to the Meetup page.

July 11 Online Death Cafe

Register through the Meetup group to get the Zoom link for the July 11 ABQ Death Cafe. Click here to RSVP for the online Death Cafe.

July 18 In-Person Death Cafe

We welcome your in-person participation and appreciate you letting us know if you will attend. Click here to RSVP for the in-person Death Cafe at Manzano Del Sol.

Your ABQ Death Cafe Host

Caricature of Gail Rubin in TERP Magazine.

All of these Albuquerque Death Cafes are hosted by Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist, and a pioneering death educator. Rubin is a public speaker, a published author of three books, host of a TV interview series and podcast, a blogger, a funeral industry trade journalist, a Certified Funeral Celebrant, and an innovator in the funeral business.

She created a conversation-starting game called The Newly-Dead Game®, introduced the Death Café movement in the United States, and held the first Before I Die Festival west of the Mississippi in 2017. Albuquerque Business First named her one of their 2019 Women of Influence.

Gail’s motto is, “Just as talking about sex won’t make you pregnant, talking about funerals and end-of-life issues won’t make you dead. Start a conversation today.”

The post July Death Cafe Events Now Scheduled Online or In-Person first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Why You Need to Revisit Estate Plans

Planning ahead for end-of-life issues includes doing estate planning with a will and a trust as assets might dictate. It’s just as important to keep those plans up-to-date. AAEPA, the American Academy of Estate Planning Attorneys, recommends reviewing plans every three to five years. It’s also a good idea to review the trust around major life events: births, weddings, deaths, and moves.

For example, my parents have had a trust for many years. As their place of residence changed, they had their trust re-stated with their new state of residence, from Maryland, to New Mexico, and, in the latest update, to Florida. A residence is a place you live for a time. They changed the domicile, the state that the trustees consider their permanent home.

You cannot have more than one domicile in estate planning. The state in which one is domiciled makes a difference when it comes to probate procedures and tax implications.

Florida has no state income tax, meaning Social Security retirement benefits, pension income and income from an IRA or a 401(k) are all untaxed. Florida has no estate or inheritance tax. Making the domicile change from New Mexico to Florida provided numerous tax benefits.

In my own case, my husband and I have no kids. So, we set up our trust in 2017 to use the services of a particular bank to carry out the provisions of our trust once we are both dead. I recently found out this particular bank has been bought out by a different bank and trust. This prompted me to take a look at our trust, created by AAEPA member firm Morris Hall and attorney Jim Plitz.

I was glad to see this language as part of the trust, under the heading Change in Corporate Trustee: “Any corporate successor to the trust business of any corporate trustee named under our Trust Agreement, or acting hereunder, shall succeed to the capacity of its predecessor without reconveyance or transfer of trust property.”

To me, that sounds like the new bank and trust would be able to operate under our agreement with the old bank. But I think we need to have a meeting with the new bank and reconfirm the arrangements. It’s also high time we have a visit with Jim to review our estate plans.

Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®

About Gail Rubin, CT

Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist and The Doyenne of Death®, is a pioneering death educator. One of the first Death Cafe hosts in the U.S., she uses humor, funny film clips, and outside-the-box activities to teach about end-of-life topics. She authored three books on end-of-life issues and coordinates the Before I Die New Mexico Festival. She’s also a Certified Funeral Celebrant and was recognized by Albuquerque Business First with their 2019 Women of Influence Award.

The post Why You Need to Revisit Estate Plans first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Death Cartoon

This Close to Home Death Cartoon shows a few people playing Boggle – remember that game? The game is played using a plastic grid of lettered dice, in which players attempt to find words in sequences of adjacent letters, within a 3-minute time limit.

One of the players says, “My late husband Stan LOVED to play Boggle, so we put his ashes in the hourglass.” As the sands of time, this seems appropriate. The mind boggles. What fun and games would you do with a loved one’s cremated remains?

More about how to play Boggle

(from Wikipedia): The game begins by shaking a covered tray of 16 cubic dice, each with a different letter printed on each of its sides. The dice settle into a 4×4 tray so that only the top letter of each cube is visible. After they have settled into the grid, a three-minute sand timer is started and all players simultaneously begin the main phase of play.

Each player searches for words that can be constructed from the letters of sequentially adjacent cubes, where “adjacent” cubes are those horizontally, vertically, and diagonally neighboring. Words must be at least three letters long, may include singular and plural (or other derived forms) separately, but may not use the same letter cube more than once per word. Each player records all the words they find by writing on a private sheet of paper. After three minutes have elapsed, all players must immediately stop writing and the game enters the scoring phase.

In the scoring phase, each player reads off their list of discovered words. If two or more players wrote the same word, it is removed from all players’ lists. Any player may challenge the validity of a word, in which case a previously nominated dictionary is used to verify or refute it. For all words remaining after duplicates have been eliminated, points are awarded based on the length of the word. The winner is the player whose point total is highest, with any ties typically broken by count of long words.

The post Death Cartoon: Fun and Games with Cremated Remains first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

In-Person Death Cafe Meetings Return!

It’s time to discuss death – in person! After 15 months of pandemic lock down, the Albuquerque Death Cafe is now able to meet again in person at Manzano Del Sol. We will meet in person on Sunday, June 27, 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. Mountain Daylight Time. Those who are fully vaccinated against COVID-19 may attend without masks. Those who are not yet fully vaccinated are required to wear masks while on the Manzano Del Sol campus. Manzano Del Sol is located at 5201 Roma Ave. NE. We will meet in the 5th Floor Lounge near the elevators.

The objective of the Death Cafe is “to increase awareness of death with a view to helping people make the most of their (finite) lives.” It’s an interesting, unstructured conversation with no specific agenda. The ABQ Death Cafe offers a relaxed, confidential and safe setting to discuss death, drink tea (or your favorite beverage) and eat delicious cake or cookies. We also provide options for those avoiding gluten and added sugar.

To RSVP for this event, join the ABQ Death Cafe Meetup Group here.

The Blue Screen of Death by Richard Thompson

Online Meeting June 13

If you prefer to continue meeting online through Zoom, we are scheduled for an online Death Cafe on Sunday, June 13, 3:00 p.m. to 4:30 p.m. Mountain Daylight Time. We’ve had many people outside of Albuquerque join in these conversations. You need to provide your own food and beverages, though. To get the information to join this online Death Cafe, register at this ABQ Death Cafe Meetup page.

More about Death Cafes

The Death Cafe concept was started in the United Kingdom by Jon Underwood. He was influenced by the ideas of Swiss sociologist Bernard Crettaz, who started holding Cafe Mortel events in France and Switzerland. Find out more about the Death Cafe movement here.

The discussion is facilitated by Gail Rubin, CT, The Doyenne of Death®. She is a pioneering death educator and one of the first people to host a Death Cafe in the United States, starting in 2012.

The post ABQ Death Cafe to Return to In-Person Meetings! first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Gail Rubin on Retirement After 60 Podcast

The Retirement After 60 podcast, hosted by Artie Bernaducci, recently interviewed Gail Rubin, The Doyenne of Death®, about “planning ahead for the longest vacation you’ll every go on!” It’s a reference to Gail’s TEDx talk, “A Good Goodbye.” During that eight-minute talk, she posed the question, “Would you let your kids plan your vacation for you? Of course not!” Why then, would you leave your funeral plans up to them?

In this upbeat 50-minute podcast conversation, Gail and Artie discuss a range of topics, including:

• The percentage of people who have not planned ahead for end-of-life, including estate planning, wills or trusts, and pre-need funeral plans.
• Cremation, disposition, and how picking up cremated remains from the funeral home is not the end of the process.
• The funniest TV program about death and funerals, and how it can help break the ice for a conversation with family members.
• What you need to know before you go!

Episode 19: Planning for the Longest Vacation You’ll Ever Go On!

Watch the TEDx Talk A Good Goodbye

Get Informed: Shop Before You Drop!

You have resources! A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, Hail and Farewell: Cremation Ceremonies, Templates and Tips, and Kicking the Bucket List: 100 Downsizing and Organizing Things to Do Before You Die. Check out Gail’s books on planning ahead for end-of-life issues, and our fun T-shirts, in our online store.

Gail Rubin, Certified Thanatologist, is a pioneering death educator who connects companies with baby boomers concerned about end-of-life issues. An award-winning speaker and author, she’s also the coordinator of Before I Die Festivals in multiple cities. Learn more about Gail and her presentations here.

The post Retirement After 60 Podcast: Funeral Planning Won’t Kill You first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Dealing with Bodies

In India, the coronavirus pandemic is impacting cremation and Hindu practice of scattering ashes in the Ganges River. The Washington Post recently ran a story, “The mystery of the hundreds of bodies found in India’s Ganges River.”

Hindus revere the Ganges River as a sacred source of purity and protection. Burning bodies on the river bank and scattering cremated remains in this river happens all the time. But bodies floating in the river is not kosher. From the article by Pamela Constable:

“The mystery surrounding the bodies has not been solved, nor is it known how many were infected with the coronavirus. But many believe that families resorted to extreme measures because they could not afford to have their relatives cremated — a rite that once cost about $70 here but has skyrocketed to $400 since late last month, locals say, when a second wave of the virus struck India like a thunderbolt….”

“The horrifying images of floating and half-buried corpses spurred government officials to action. Patrol boats have been sent up and down the Ganges, which meanders for 1,500 miles across northern India. Local and state authorities have established networks of free cremation sites, where firewood and priests are available to grieving families at no charge.”

READ THE FULL STORY HERE.

Want Ashes Scattered in India?

I recently did an interview with Bimal Arora, founder of Hindupratha.com, which means Hindu custom or tradition. Hindupratha facilitates transporting cremated remains to India for scattering in the Ganges River with the proper rituals.

Arora is also working on expanding his services to scatter cremated remains for people of any faith in India. In this interview, we discuss ash immersions in the Ganges River at Haridwar, and in the Himalaya mountains.

One new spot they are exploring to offer scattering is in a village called Kaser Devi near a town called Almora In Kumaon region of the Shivalik Range. It’s known for Crank’s Ridge, just outside the village. This village is of special importance because the region around this place has an enormous geomagnetic field, the Van Allen Belt. Two other famous places that have similar highly magnetic fields are Machu Picchu in Peru and Stonehenge in England. Due to the geomagnetic field in the region, one experiences peace and tranquility.

Interview with Bimal Arora

Listen to this 10-minute interview with Gail Rubin and Bimal Arora, founder of Hindupratha.com and a new service for scattering cremated remains for non-Hindus.

The post Bodies in the Ganges, Ashes to India first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Downsizing: What to Keep, What to Let Go?

In downsizing while preparing for an estate sale at my parents’ Albuquerque home, I came across a printout of an email. It listed 10 questions to evaluate whether to keep something before moving.

My Dad had printed this list in 2007. I found it in a file in his office, typically overwhelmed with clutter. My parents bought this house and moved in that same year, 2007. I found this document while downsizing in 2021, 14 years later.

My parents are still alive, now living in an assisted living place in Florida. Their attachment to the items at their home in New Mexico has made my job emotionally wrenching.

I am finding this list helpful as I go through the last of the photos and items rescued from the estate sale. And for considering my own stuff as well. Perhaps it can help you, too.

10 Questions to Help You Downsize

As you go through your stuff in preparation for the move, ask yourself:

1. Do I use it?
2. Do I need it?
3. Does it bring joy to my life?
4. Is it broken, damaged or inoperable?
5. If lost in a fire, would I replace it as is?
6. Would I want to manifest it 100 times?
7. What image and energy is this sending to the universe for me?
8. Does it bring in past energies with negative thoughts, emotions or memories attached?
9. If called to move five times this year, would I want to pack it and move it?
10. Will this be of pleasure or use to my heirs?

Downsizing Questions 1 to 3

Do you use it, need it, love it? Those key questions are crucial to your decision to toss or keep. If you say no to all of these questions, what’s holding you back? As Elsa in the film Frozen sings, “Let it go!”

Question 4: Is it Broken?

Items that are broken, damaged or inoperable need to be fixed or discarded/recycled. Nonworking items do not bring benefit your life. If it’s dead, it’s done. But don’t try to donate a non-working appliance to Goodwill. They don’t want your broken toaster.

Would You Want More of This?

If it was lost in a fire, would you replace it as is? If so, this has value to you. Keep the original! If not, let it go to make room for those things that you do value.

Would I want to manifest it 100 times? You’d better really love whatever it is to want that much more of it in your life. When looking at old paper files, consider this question carefully.

What image and energy is this sending to the universe for me? For example, holding onto mementos of past relationships projects a reluctance to move forward in life and love. Keep artwork and items that reflect relationship happiness to you. Let those objects send positive vibes into the universe for you.

Does it bring in past energies with negative thoughts, emotions or memories attached? What applies to an item for one person can be different for another person. I have a large ceramic bowl that my now-deceased brother-in-law gave me. It’s a beautiful piece, and I treasure that he gave it to me. However, for him, that bowl had a negative connection to a past lover. Passing along nice items with negative connotations can remake them into treasures for others.

If called to move five times this year, would I want to pack it and move it? You must really be attached to something if you would want to move it every two months or so. Does the thought of schlepping this around for multiple moves in a short period of time bring you dread? Let it go!

Downsizing Heirlooms

Will this be of pleasure or use for my heirs? Family heirlooms can be a problem for those without heirs. With no children, I face this dilemma myself.

For many years, I held on to a samovar, a metal urn from Russia used to make tea. It was brought to the United States by my mother’s father’s family. While I loved having the urn in my home, I have no children to whom I could pass this heirloom along. Eventually, I returned this item to my parents. My mother finally sent it to one of her cousins who promised to cherish it and pass it along to her children.

I have held on to my grandmother’s candlesticks, my great-grandmother’s ornate clock, and other family heirlooms. Maybe my niece will want them at some point in the future. Probably not. Many millennials are minimalists.

My parents’ bedroom set was a wedding gift from Dad’s parents. Both my parents had a strong emotional connection to this mid-century modern, dark wood set with two dressers, a headboard and side tables. But I couldn’t find a taker with the family here or in Florida, not considering taking it myself. After the estate sale, I regretted letting the set go. But it is done and gone. My parents are still here, for now.

Did my parents take this advice before they moved? Not as much as they could have. There were sealed boxes stuck in a closet which had not been opened since they moved in 2007. Don’t be like that.

About Gail Rubin, CT

Gail Rubin, CT, The Doyenne of Death®

Gail Rubin, CT, The Doyenne of Death^®, is a pioneering death and grief educator. A speaker who uses humor and film clips to get end-of-life conversations started, she’s the author of the award-winning books A Good Goodbye: Funeral Planning for Those Who Don’t Plan to Die, Kicking the Bucket List: 100 Downsizing and Organizing Things to Do Before You Die (Rio Grande Books), and Hail and Farewell: Cremation Ceremonies, Templates and Tips. She is also the coordinator of the award-winning Before I Die New Mexico Festival. She “knocked ‘em dead” with her TEDxABQ talk, A Good Goodbye. Learn more at www.AGoodGoodbye.com and www.BeforeIDieNM.com.

The post Ten Questions on Whether to Downsize Your Possessions first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Death Cartoon: The Grim Reaper for Succulents

This F Minus cartoon has the Grim Reaper at the door, saying, “Just to be clear, I’m only taking the souls of your succulents. I’m not here to clean all the dead plants out of your apartment.” You need to take care of your house plant corpses.

Death Cartoon: The Meaning of R.I.P.

Also today in Pearls Before Swine, Pig ponders, “How come people write R.I.P. after someone they loves dies?” Goat says, “It stands for…” Pig interrupts, “Oh. Just figured it out.” “You did?” asks Goat.

“It’s the sound their hearts make,” says Pig. “As good an explanation as any,” comments Goat. “Stupid, vulnerable heart,” says Pig, putting his hand on his chest.

This actually made me tear up a bit. Rest In Peace.

The post Death Cartoons: RIP & Your House Plant Grim Reaper first appeared on A Good Goodbye.

Historic Fairview Cemetery Memorial Day Tours and Antique Car Exhibit

Mark your calendar!

Memorial Day, Monday, May 31, 2021, the Board of the nonprofit Historic Fairview Cemetery organization invites visitors to take a tour and learn about some of its famous (and infamous) residents. Four one-hour tours will be conducted at 9:00, 10:00, 11:00 and noon. A donation of $20 per person is requested. The Historic Fairview Cemetery is accessed through the main entrance to Fairview Memorial Park, 700 Yale Blvd. SE.

Local Model T and Model A automobile clubs will display vehicles from the 1900s to 1930s during the event, from 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. There is no cost to visit and view the vehicles.

While there are approximately 12,000 burial sites in the historic cemetery, fewer than 6,000 have markers. Among the well-known New Mexico family names on the tour are Dietz, Galles, Huning, Menaul, Rodey and Ross. There are Rough Riders, Buffalo Soldiers, people from at least 23 countries and three Native American tribes interred in Historic Fairview Cemetery.

Attendees are asked to wear a face mask, hat, hiking boots or sturdy shoes (to protect feet from goat heads). A bottle of water will be provided. Tours start at the interior entrance to the historic cemetery, located north of the Fairview Memorial Park office. Look for a registration table near the entrance to Congregation Albert’s section of the cemetery.

Historic Fairview Cemetery was founded in 1881. It is run by an Albuquerque nonprofit organization dedicated to maintaining the cemetery and sharing the stories of its residents. Members of the Board will be available to discuss how people can get involved. The website is www.HistoricFairviewCemeteryABQ.org.

The Details

Cost: A donation of $20 for each adult and child over 12 is requested to support cemetery maintenance and provide educational materials. Tour groups are limited to 15 people. Purchase tickets through PayPal: http://bit.ly/HFCMemDay

When: Monday, May 31, 9:00 a.m. to 1:00 p.m. Tours are at 9:00, 10:00, 11:00 and noon. The Model T and Model A Fords will be on-site all morning.

Where: Historic Fairview Cemetery, 700 Yale Blvd. SE – Enter through the gates of Fairview Memorial Park, near the intersection with Avenida Cesar Chavez. Proceed east to the cemetery office, turn left and continue north into the historic cemetery area.

Questions? Contact Gail Rubin at 505.265.7215.

The post Model A and Model T Fords at Historic Fairview Cemetery Memorial Day Tours first appeared on A Good Goodbye.